Slider

To the Dads + How Loss Evolves

Monday, June 17, 2019

How was your Father's Day weekend? 


We celebrated our very favorite daddy in the world with breakfast in bed (cinnamon streusel muffins, bacon, and coffee) and gave him the gift of a relaxing day. ;) Oh, and some socks and his favorite chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches (try them at your own risk!). Later on in the day we went to Iron Hill for dinner, followed by a quick trip to Home Depot. We picked up a sample of this paint color for the nursery and Steve painted a big swatch on the wall. So far, I like it!


As you all probably know by now, my own dad passed away when I was a little girl. Days dedicated to dads, big occasions, his birthday and the day he died always put me in a reflective mood; though as I grow older, the feeling seems to have evolved into a mix of both sorrow and gratitude. The more life you live, the more you grasp all the life that your parent is missing out on by not being here. But you also gain a sense of gratitude for the life they did live (instead of just what you and they missed out on), and the unique ways they continue to live on through you and, if you have them, your children.

What most people don't realize about losing a parent as a child is that, even though it happened a long time ago and your memories of your parent might be few, the loss of one of the people who helped to create you -- whose genetics literally live on through you -- continues to grow and change as you do. I've found it feels like peeling back layers of an onion; there's always more about life and loss to be discovered and worked through.

For instance, even though it's been over 25 years since I lost my dad, the other day I was driving to a store and heard a song that made me think of him. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I thought about what he must be feeling and thinking in certain moments. Or, I'll think of a time he was silly as a parent or a time he was exasperated as a parent and I'll identify on a whole new level with him. I'll think, "I get it, dad!"

He was a good one, and I'm grateful for the onion because if I keep peeling, it not only means discovering new layers of loss, but new layers of life.


I'm also grateful for all of the wonderful men who have been part of my life: my brother, my uncles, my father-in-law, my mom's boyfriend. They all add unique joy to my life! Hoping you were able to celebrate the special men in your life this weekend, no matter who they are.

17 comments:

  1. The feeling of loss certainly never goes away. I'm happy you were able to celebrate the kids great dad yesterday! Trips to home depot seem to always happen on father's day LOL! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Biana! Haha, isn't that so true?! I thought the same thing as we were headed there. Seemed so appropriate! ;)

      Delete
  2. This is so beautifully written. I love the way you've been able to look at this in a different perspective and continue to grow and learn from it <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. I always think about the kids and families whose parents have passed away on days like this. I can't even imagine how you feel. And even though it was so many years ago, I know the pain is still real and raw. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are such a thoughtful person, Danielle! Thanks for your love and support. xo

      Delete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Christina TravagliniJune 17, 2019 at 8:43 AM

    I love this Jen. So beautifully put.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Christina. <3 Appreciate you reading!

      Delete
  6. This is so beautifully written and I love your perspective on it. My husband lost his father four years ago and my heart hurts for him, you, and all of those who are missing their fathers on days like yesterday. Thank you so much for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. It's so tough. Thank you for being the caring person you are! xo

      Delete
  7. Sounds like you had a wonderful Father's Days..
    Sorry to hear about your loss.. I couldn't imagine.

    http://www.henatayeb.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We did have a great day! And thank you so much. <3

      Delete
  8. A great post of love and loss. Glad you have a dad to honor with memory and one to celebrate. And those ice cream sandwiches do look good. Visiting you from the hello monday link up. laurensparks.net

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a really beautiful way to look at it -- thank you! Appreciate you stopping by. <3

      Delete
  9. This is a beautiful post. I lost my father at a very young age. Even though I don't remember much about him, I always think of him on special days. Thanks for linking up with Hello Monday! Tanya - The Other Side of the Road

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so sorry for your loss, Tanya! Love and loss no know bounds of time. <3

      Delete

CopyRight © | Theme Designed By Hello Manhattan